I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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