this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
