Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Randomize
