after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
