It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
