I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
