I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
