It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
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Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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