Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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