Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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