After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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