we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
