my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
