I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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