I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
