You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
