All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
