I heard we made out
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
