What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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