Can i not drive my cunt home
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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