I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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