i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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