I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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