I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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