I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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