Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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