this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
