We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
