when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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