dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
