Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
