she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Mom said you looked used
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
