Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
