he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
