That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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