I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
