Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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