I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
