We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
