I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
