at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
