just tell him i said nine months
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
