I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
