I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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