What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
