so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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