I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
