We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
His hands were made for my vagina.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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