M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
