if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
