I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
