I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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