3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
