why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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