You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
