Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
