Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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