also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
