Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
