think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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