shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
