I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
