today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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