Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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