Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
