she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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