mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
