all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I will be naked everywhere
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think I just sharted jello shots
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