Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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