i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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