My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
