my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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