I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
