I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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