I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think im going to throw up on grandma
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
